reasons to be cheerful

I’m coming home!

It’s been in the planning for a long time, but now at last I am able to say it.

No matter how often I’ve written and rewritten this post in my head, I couldn’t commit the words to screen even in draft form, because until it became a reality I wouldn’t be able to guess how I might feel. And it’s not how I expected – not at all.

I am coming home, to beer in pubs like the Unicorn, to friends and family, to wide open spaces, to watching my friends kids grow up, (not to mention my nephew who doesn’t like having his photo plastered all over Flickr).

The last 18 months have been a roller coaster of raised hopes, broken promises and finally, an end in sight. I have raised more than one glass on the way hoping that this time it was real.

15/52

And now it is.

I have a date in mind. I will spend my last Queensday in this crazy beautiful city, but by the summer I will be settled in somewhere new. On the Solstice I will watch the sunset from an English hillside. That’s my plan but even if it rains, I’ll be happy to be home again.

But today I am a mess of emotion. I feel like laughing out loud, jumping, screaming, crying. And none of it feels real. Not yet. Something I have spent so long dreaming of, planning, wanting is finally within my reach and I can’t take it in.

I’ve been on the verge of tears all day because Amsterdam is the kind of lover that you know right from the start that things will never work out with, but you still love them with all your heart.

And I know England isn’t the same place I left behind, but nor am I. Maybe we’ve both grown up and it’s time to set aside our differences and get on with being reunited.

Advertisements

9 comments

  1. Debra, well done for making such a life-changing decision and announcing it. It is always difficult to leave somewhere, and once you’ve left once, as I have too, there is always a small part of you that is left behind, in the place you came from. Best of luck with your move. Here’s to you!

  2. Thanks Tania. I hope it will help my writing in some way.

    Rashbre – maybe next time you’re in the winding backroads of the peak district we can share a glass.

    Jeremy, honeymon is exactly it. But first I have to prepare for the move, which is probably as stressful as arranging a wedding.

  3. Debra–it seems a watershed time for many people. Big changes are afoot in all corners of the world. Good luck. Will be fascinating to read the continuing saga of move, resettlement and new growth.

  4. Wow, this is unexpected!

    Best of luck. Lately I’ve considered packing everything up and trying some place new, so you definitely have my respect for actually making it happen all these years.

  5. Kip, thanks. It does seem like a lot of change is in the air.

    Thanks Sam. It’s been a great experience.

    Thanks Sharon. Things are happening pretty fast. Fingers crossed.

Leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s